Here I am, there you are.
Dynamic, uplifting, sincere.
Life, thoughts, myself.

Recently I have re-found my profound, emotional, spiritual, & synergistic mindset. Why? Hmmm.... 3 major reason spring too mind. 1-ending my long run on LEGAL drugs most certainly can not be discounted as a major factor. Isn't it ironic, I always believed the Prozac enlighted/helped/ opened my mind, yet scientifically it numbs, reducing emotional response. 2 - I am the most compassionate/sensitive person I have ever met and my struggles over the past years with the dreaded Alcohol I attribute largely to my desire for obtaining the emotional highs I was being inhibited from getting. 3-these two factors coupled with my failed relationships. So.... Drugs, Alcohol and Women. It makes me feel great to get this off my mind, to share with the world and move forward. Eliminating the drugs have taken care of the alcohol, although I no means discount all the freaking education I have received from my loving family and gosh darn therapists. With rejection comes appreciation. People I find incredible I will continue to despite their unfortunate choices not to reciprocate. I believe in love at first sight and my big, brown, sexy :) eyes are open.

As I listen to the music, Notting Hill, Honeeeey!!!!, I realize the power of family and its awesomeness. There is so much out there and so much to discover. I am speechless to have so many incredible people already in my life. Only with great loss comes meaningful appreciation I am learning. I am alive. Carpe Diem. Rock on.

Taking a different track, people need to stop using words such as powerless, addict, wasted, because nobody is powerless to anything, addicts can change and wasted, what is wasted, it is only a way of looking at a situation or a state of mind. These past couple of years have been hard, yet I write now because it is no longer hard. My extreme obsessions over having others approval are waning, my desire to listen to others before myself has been replaced by listening to myself as well as others. Each action we have has its reasons, whether we know it at the time, will learn it later or are doomed/blessed to never know its reason. I find it so ironic, yet enlightening how people take with blindfaith ideas and facts they perceive to be correct because of what society or some doctor says. Do your own research!! Make your own decisions only after you have evaluated objectively as many sides to the equation as possible. Anybody who says they have all the facts is full of poop, it is impossible. It would take 100 lifetimes to pursue all angles to any one problem. We listen to society, because we are a bunch of pansies, unwilling to make our own unbiased assertions. WE all fall into this trap, it gives us security and warm feelings inside calming our unending volley between our rational and irrational consciousness. One can't blame everything on one reason, person, outcome and there is no perfect except love.

Well in summing up. Do I regret the past couple of years, yes. Have I learned from them, yes. Would I be the person I am now if I had not gone though all the turmoil of the past, I wonder if God knows. Is it worth philosophysizing on, if it helps, yes, if it causes turmoil and anguish, probably not, yet how would we know happiness and good times if it wasn't for the bad times. What is fact now, will most certainly be folly tomorrow.